i swear i didn't mean to neglect this blog, i just didnt have much time to sit in front of the computer to blog. The last few weeks had been quite hectic. I was out most of the time, spending the quality time with friends and whoring myself for a job.

Today on my way to the restaurant for a family dinner, W rang me up. I bumped into him last week at Senayan City and he was asking if i could contribute in promoting Daniel's clothing line. I was quite in a hurry that time and told him to call me up later so we could discuss more about it. Thus, when he rang me up today, i thought he was going to discuss about it. I was wrong tho. He actually asked me if we could hang out and i said i could not because i was having a small family gathering and suggested us to meet tomorrow. I was only half serious with the suggestion, regarding to the fact that we have not been that close as friends. Yes, we did work together for 2 years and i have not forgotten yet about the troubles he had caused me and how hard it was for me to swallow the rage and the betrayed feelings by myself. To make a very long story short, he had never treated me good as a partner. Hell, what kind of a person back-stabbed his own partner. tsk. I was really happy when i got the chance to do my own show, it seemed everything was so much easier and there was less pressure.

Anyhoo.. before he hung up the phone he told me to call N and ask him if he could join us tomorrow. I did send N a txt msg, slightly hoping he wont be able to make it tomorrow. N then replied saying that he was with W and he'd spill the details soon. W then rang me up again saying that he has already bought me ticket for a movie tomorrow. The movie starts at 3:30 pm which means i will have to leave the korean course early to make it. Meehh. I might not like the idea of it but i think i'm going to end up doing it.

In brutal honest, i don't know why he's so determined for us to hang out. It's not like we have a lot to talk about and we could never get personals anyway. I know he does not want to open up with me about his sexual preference and i am seriously fine with it. I knew he swings the other side a long time ago, when i was still working with him. N confirmed about it with me when he accidentally read W's inbox which was full of emails from his partners. And i always knew that the guy he always brought around was his boyfriend. I am not a homophobic and i have a lot of gay friends. I am not a judgemental person and i have never made fun of gay people. He, on the other hand had always made cynical and sarcastic comments on a few gays we both know. I guess this is something that stops him from comin out clean with me. Because he is scared i am going to get it back at him, which i swear i dont intend to. I actually know the guy he was dating and they broke up a while ago because his partner cheated on him with some guy. I know that W is now having some problem at getting over his ex and he kinda needs a companion, something to ease his mind. But how could i help him if we are not in sync. And most importantly, how could i help him if i have not forgotten about the past yet ? As much as i want to feel sorry for him, i do not feel that way. I don't hold grudges, i just don't forget few things easily.

Today was my cousin's birthday and soon i will have mine.
I still have no plans yet. At first i was thinking of going home and spend it with my mom like we did last year. However, my mom chose to spend time with her spiritual advisor outside Jakarta. She told me she was being asked for a help, to be responsible for this outbound event which is going to be held at this area owned by her spiritual advisor. I kinda nagged about it when i was on the phone with her. I am still a bit upset, but to think about it, if she doesn't want to spend my birthday with me then be it. It's not like we are going to do anything special on that day. Last year we just ate noodles, a necessary component, which is believed going to give one's a long life.

I am clueless of what i am going to do on my birthday and i do not know what i want for my birthday. Friends and cousins have been continuously asking me what i want as gifts. It's commonly known to people around me that it's better to ask me rather than just randomly give me things. I do not like surprises and i do not like unexpected gifts. I usually ask people to give me things i need as my birthday presents. It makes my life and their lives easier, i think. At least they don't need to overuse their brain to think about what to give and what not. Ever gone blank at the mall, completely clueless about what to give to your friends or family as their birthday presents? I am like that.. most of the time.

Ps: i think i need to think about what do i need right now. An eye make-up remover ? bras ? hmm...