All I wanted was to sing the saddest songs
If somebody sings along I will be happy now
Yours Truly
i am a female species.
quirky. grotesque. wayward. peculiar.
i am someone you'll never quite get to know,
but always long to understand.
you'll know i am soft, when you see me dancing.
you'll know i am hard, when you see me drinking,
from noon to noon.
i gave myself to sin.
and I've been there and back again.
all I need is somewhere I feel the grass beneath my feet
a walk on sand, a fire I can warm my hands
my joy will be complete.
Friday, December 19, 2008
when i was still with him, and had this long distance relationship, we set up a livejournal for both of us. To let ourselves updated with news of each other. it was one of the evidences of our happy moment.
sweetie [25 October 2004|08:39am] Hi sunshine. My weekend was good for the most part. I sent the package to Finia! She should have it by today or earlier. I hope everything got there fine. Ive been stressing out a lot lately. I'll probably be away even more (i know im not even around now!).. but I have to. I'll be back babe, dont you worry.
I saw a hockey game last tuesday for my fave team.. argh they lost so bad. Worse game ive ever seen and I had to see it in real life, oh it was awful. I'll never go to another game, hehe. Other then that things are just about as dull as yours ;). I love you like crazy babe, I hope you get the package soon. Ask Finia if she has received it.
I missss you so much! I love you like crazy!!
-yourboy
It's probably not a wise thing for me to read the entries we have submitted for each other. All the sweet words..
damn you, life !
i miss you my canuck.. It's a sad sad thing that we're both are realistic bastards. But i couldnt help to wonder that if things had worked differently between us.. Would we still be together by now ?
8:47 PM
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Just Imagine having only 24 hours to live before your life came to an end, and you had to leave this world forever. If this were your last day, what would you want to do? Would you just sit back and smoke a cigarette? Who would you want to see the most? Is there someone you’d want to try to find? Or is there a secret you’d just like to keep without telling anyone? If you lived a life with no regrets, would you still be smiling when it’s all over? Or would the judgments of God cause you to tremble and shake?
7:49 AM
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
i am overwhelmed by the realization that we live in a world where on one end, people own mansions, luxurious cars, Plasma TVs, computers and blackberries and electric guitars and computerized what-not, while not very far away, a man's entire livelihood is centered around a wooden pushcart and selling fried rice to passersby on the street.
it's amazing.
7:49 AM
Monday, December 15, 2008
"Northern Downpour", my second fave track from Panic at the Disco's "Pretty Odd" album. After a long consideration, i decided that i like "Pretty Odd" album more than "A Fever You Can't Sweat Out". Well, i know i shall not compare both albums since they both have different styles. Fever was a bit vaudeville-ish,and has a touch of thick electronic beats. Pretty Odd on the other hand is completely different with its bouncy sound and classic pop structure; It is less digitized and it has a strong 60's rock influence. I am so damn glad they cut out the emo shit. Glad they have matured well.
Oh and i really recommend you to watch this video because Brendon's junk looks sooo big in this video hahaha.. yumm !
Anyhoo.. yesterday's wedding was not that good. I messed up a bit and i blame the groom's parents for that. I just wish they could shut the fuck up and let us do our work. I know they wanted to please the guests but geezeee.. we're the party organizer and we KNOW what to do. I wish i could scream at their faces "SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND STOP BEING A FUCKIN SMARTASS !" *sigh*
I have been doing 2 weddings so far. And it occurs to me that everyone seems to have their own "dream wedding" in mind. What do i want my wedding to be like ? i dont know. i couldn't seem to find the answer. And this annoys me quite a bit.
umm another thing.. i think i need save more and spend a little less. my parents house is in need for a renovation :/
ps : sophie sent a friend request to ji hoon. i want to know if he has accepted her request cos i wanna add him too..
3:30 AM
Friday, December 12, 2008
check out my birthday gifts from the lovely friends :) click on the pics for a bigger view.. i loveeee my friends and cousins to bits <33
another note.. i cant seem to stop listening to Lenka, esp this song :
Lenka has finally released her CD. However, instead of putting this version on her album, they replaced it with a new version of the song. Regardless, i enjoy both versions very much <33 I just love her sweet, sexy, angelic voice. utterly mesmerizing. très excellent.
okay, it's random shit but i am craving for starbucks' toffee nut :[
also random but i think people should just stop talking about how awesome Twilight is because it's so FUCKIN NOT ! it's just a new adaptation of the same old vampire story.
PS : People should read books with depth. seriously !
p.ps :
CAN I HAVE YOU, NAKED, WRAPPED IN RIBBONS FOR CHRISTMAS ???? I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK IF YOU SWING THE OTHER SIDE, I JUST WANT TO FEEL YOUR ABS AND STROKE IT GENTLY AND LAY MY HEAD ON THE FLAT WASHBOARD STOMACH OF YOURS
OOHHH LUST... LUST IS GOING TO KILL ME !
9:16 AM
Monday, December 8, 2008
Pretty boy if your single, single... You don’t gotta be alone tonight. So you don’t gotta be alone, I’ll be your girlfriend. So you don’t gotta be alone, boy I’ll be your girlfriend. So you don’t gotta be alone, baby I’ll be your girlfriend.
i fancy him to bits, but how come my gaydar is ringing ?
11:12 PM
Sunday, December 7, 2008
I have never really been such a religious person but i seriously want to thank God above for giving me another year in my life. I am so thankful that i have been given such strength to live this quite a hard life. I am thankful for i have been given such nice family and friends. I am thankful that i have been given such health and turned 29 this year. Yes, i am 29 years old and eventhough i haven't really found Mr. Right yet (not that it matters that much..), i am still thankful for everything i have in my life now.
These past 2 days were grand. Yesterday (december 6th), i hung out with my sidekick N and W. We first went to see "Twilight", the movie. I really don't understand all the hype about this Twilight thing. It seems phenomenal and yet i do not feel or see it as a superb thing. I have read the 1st book of the Twilight series and i stopped reading the series after i am done with the 1st book. The reason is because I simply can not stand it. Why ? because i think it's a crap. It's just a pile of past Vampire stories. The excessive verbal romance in between Bella and Edward just make me sick. It's not jealousy, it's just i am not a helplessly romantic person. And the fact that it's another form of teenage chicklit doesn't help that much. Mind me but i always have lack of interest in romance books esp the ones with graphic sex.
I never intended to watch the movie, considering of how much i dislike the book. However, W decided to watch it and bought me the ticket because he has been hearing good reviews about the movie. I knew it wasn't that good and i have been trying to tell him that but he was being him.
Anyway enough with the Twilight crap. I dont think it's worth that much to be discussed. So after the movie, we had our dinner at this korean restaurant. We had bibimbap and kalbi. N and W ran into their friends and they joined us at the bowling session after dinner. As expected, i had the lowest score . I am just not good at bowling. Meehh. We headed off to FX after we're done bowling. Had supper at Amadeus Cafe, wanted to leave before the clock turned 12 AM but the boys tried to keep me stay. When the clock turned 12, the waitresses came out with a piece of cake with a candle on it. It was W's idea. How nice. I made my wish and blew off the candle. Finished the cake and we all went home.
I received a few txt msgs today and one of them was from Mom. She said she was sorry she couldn't be with me on my birthday. Maybe she was being serious, maybe not. who knows ?
And today, i was planning to have a birthday lunch with my cousins, however, some of them couldnt make it for lunch so it had to be pushed back to dinner. I chose melly's as the place. I was quite anxious at first because i was afraid my cousins wouldnt like the place. But then i thought hey, it's my day today and i can throw a birthday bash wherever i like. I still do not know if they fancy Melly's or not but i think i've paid it up by buying them coffees at Oh La La Cafe.
N, B and K came to my birthday dinner today. It was so fun to have them around. N and B gave me this very cool gift. It's by far the best presents i received today. It's an IOU SEX Treat Voucher hahahahaha. The Voucher contains of 30 Naughty IOUs for sensual favors such as "One Serious Make Out Session - In a location of my partner choosing (Car, Movie Theatre, Park Bench, Couch etc), "A Trip 'Downtown'", "A Sexy Striptease" etc hahaha.
I am so glad that today went well. I am glad i spent it with people whom i know i can count on. I just hope i could spend it with you people too.. yes, you know who you are ! Thank you so much for the msgs. Love you to bits <3
11:42 AM
Friday, December 5, 2008
i swear i didn't mean to neglect this blog, i just didnt have much time to sit in front of the computer to blog. The last few weeks had been quite hectic. I was out most of the time, spending the quality time with friends and whoring myself for a job.
Today on my way to the restaurant for a family dinner, W rang me up. I bumped into him last week at Senayan City and he was asking if i could contribute in promoting Daniel's clothing line. I was quite in a hurry that time and told him to call me up later so we could discuss more about it. Thus, when he rang me up today, i thought he was going to discuss about it. I was wrong tho. He actually asked me if we could hang out and i said i could not because i was having a small family gathering and suggested us to meet tomorrow. I was only half serious with the suggestion, regarding to the fact that we have not been that close as friends. Yes, we did work together for 2 years and i have not forgotten yet about the troubles he had caused me and how hard it was for me to swallow the rage and the betrayed feelings by myself. To make a very long story short, he had never treated me good as a partner. Hell, what kind of a person back-stabbed his own partner. tsk. I was really happy when i got the chance to do my own show, it seemed everything was so much easier and there was less pressure.
Anyhoo.. before he hung up the phone he told me to call N and ask him if he could join us tomorrow. I did send N a txt msg, slightly hoping he wont be able to make it tomorrow. N then replied saying that he was with W and he'd spill the details soon. W then rang me up again saying that he has already bought me ticket for a movie tomorrow. The movie starts at 3:30 pm which means i will have to leave the korean course early to make it. Meehh. I might not like the idea of it but i think i'm going to end up doing it.
In brutal honest, i don't know why he's so determined for us to hang out. It's not like we have a lot to talk about and we could never get personals anyway. I know he does not want to open up with me about his sexual preference and i am seriously fine with it. I knew he swings the other side a long time ago, when i was still working with him. N confirmed about it with me when he accidentally read W's inbox which was full of emails from his partners. And i always knew that the guy he always brought around was his boyfriend. I am not a homophobic and i have a lot of gay friends. I am not a judgemental person and i have never made fun of gay people. He, on the other hand had always made cynical and sarcastic comments on a few gays we both know. I guess this is something that stops him from comin out clean with me. Because he is scared i am going to get it back at him, which i swear i dont intend to. I actually know the guy he was dating and they broke up a while ago because his partner cheated on him with some guy. I know that W is now having some problem at getting over his ex and he kinda needs a companion, something to ease his mind. But how could i help him if we are not in sync. And most importantly, how could i help him if i have not forgotten about the past yet ? As much as i want to feel sorry for him, i do not feel that way. I don't hold grudges, i just don't forget few things easily.
Today was my cousin's birthday and soon i will have mine. I still have no plans yet. At first i was thinking of going home and spend it with my mom like we did last year. However, my mom chose to spend time with her spiritual advisor outside Jakarta. She told me she was being asked for a help, to be responsible for this outbound event which is going to be held at this area owned by her spiritual advisor. I kinda nagged about it when i was on the phone with her. I am still a bit upset, but to think about it, if she doesn't want to spend my birthday with me then be it. It's not like we are going to do anything special on that day. Last year we just ate noodles, a necessary component, which is believed going to give one's a long life.
I am clueless of what i am going to do on my birthday and i do not know what i want for my birthday. Friends and cousins have been continuously asking me what i want as gifts. It's commonly known to people around me that it's better to ask me rather than just randomly give me things. I do not like surprises and i do not like unexpected gifts. I usually ask people to give me things i need as my birthday presents. It makes my life and their lives easier, i think. At least they don't need to overuse their brain to think about what to give and what not. Ever gone blank at the mall, completely clueless about what to give to your friends or family as their birthday presents? I am like that.. most of the time.
Ps: i think i need to think about what do i need right now. An eye make-up remover ? bras ? hmm...